a new mama and all her opinions

One thing I did NOT anticipate when becoming a new mom is the entirely whole and separate world of mom culture I was about to (naively) step foot into. Social media has given a platform to, well, anyone (lol even me!), and with that, every mama and her sweet parenting and lifestyle blog are there to read, watch and listen to at your leisure. We've got crunchy moms and soggy moms, wine moms, vegan moms, anti-vaxxers, "shut up and go to the doctor" moms, safe-sleep moms, and moms passionate about any one or all of these things and everything in between. We've got gentle parenting and "I got whoopin's and turned out just fine." We've got Montessori style moms and "you're a bad mom if you don't get on the floor and play with your kids right now!." There are stay at home, work from home, work outside of the home and mixtures of all three. There are homeschooling moms and advocates for the public education system, co-sleep and breastfeeding advocates, formula experts, as well as those all fired up about baby-led weaning. Literally any aspect of parenting or being a mom has people standing in the corner of some style or philosophy they believe to be the best, and a lot of them are shouting those opinions from the rooftops.

I definitely had an opinion or two before becoming a mom, but, now that I am a mom, the one thing I've become the most passionate about as far as this mommy-world goes is this: as long as safety and the wellbeing of your child is being taken into consideration, do what works best for you and your family.

I never wanted my kids to have a ton of toys or "containers" and all the things I've found a lot of people believe you need when having a baby. I truly believe that if you've got whatever form of diaper you prefer, clothes/blankets for warmth, and yourself, that's really all you need the first several months (or longer, really, depending on your style). But, this choice for myself and my family wasn't rooted in some passionate lifestyle decision where I felt like having any of those things was inherently wrong and putting your baby in a bouncer was going to delay all their motor skills. To be honest, clutter makes me anxious and I didn't want a lot of stuff because they were just more things for me to care for and clean up and find space in my living room for and I didn't want more stress on top of the inevitable stress that comes from having two babies.

I choose to go to my babies when they cry, even if they are only crying because they want to be held, because I believe that "manipulation" isn't a tool babies can utilize and if their need is simply for their mama's snuggles, that need is real and valid. And as my babies grow, I'll choose to discipline them gently, without using fear or physical intimidation, because I'd rather my kids be well behaved because they understand how their behavior affects themselves and others, not because they are scared their mom will unleash her own unprocessed frustrations on them. So yes, I've got my reasons for the ways that I choose to parent, but that being said, I'm not sure there's a lot of science showing that waiting a moment to attend to your child when they are crying because they want to be held is going to negatively affect them forever. And, although I definitely know there is some research showing that physical punishment may certainly have some negative consequences on your child, I'm not sure that giving your child a bop near the mouth as they are biting their little sister and you need them to stop right away is going to have long-lasting mental damage on your 1 year old. My choices regarding these things are made in part because of personal beliefs and research, but also in part because I have the capacity, energy and ability to do it, which I know not all parents, whether through lack of access to research, support or finances, possess.

All of these examples to say, I of course as a mother have had to, and will continue to have to, make decisions for my family. And as much as some of these choices are tied to my personal beliefs and passions, a lot of my choices are simply due to the fact that they work best for me. The biggest thing that I've grown into understanding these past several months is something, that as a Christian, God likes to remind me each and every day. HUMILITY. I don't have the perfect, best answer for you and your family and how your children need to be disciplined and schooled and fed and all the things. I can share what works best for us, which thankfully, many writers and moms are doing online, allowing insight and perspective for the reader. And insight and perspective are great! However, if any "sleep coach" or lifestyle advocate (or dare I say, even some healthcare professionals) online tries to hold themselves as the authority over how YOU choose to raise YOUR children, please know, they do not know you and they do not know your children and they do not know the support you have or lack and the finances you have or lack, and ultimately, YOU (and of course, Jesus, if you are a Christian) are the authority over your life and the lives of your babies.