My sweet babies,
I’m on the other side of all the darkness, now
I’m doing okay and
I’m feeling a bit more normal
I still, of course, long for you to be here
With me
Whole and happy
And mostly, here
But for whatever reason,
It wasn’t meant to be
You were meant to bless me for a moment
And then go Home to Our Father
I don’t know why
And maybe that’s the worst of it
Because I do know that you live
That you’re safe and happier than you could have ever been with me, here
Truly, my sadness is mostly for me and for your papa
For our loss, certainly not for yours
You have it all in the arms of Our Creator
You beautiful, sweet souls
Your sister and brother
My goodness, I am so excited for you to meet them
I promise to tell them about you
When they’re older and can understand
The poor things have to put up with us as their mom and dad, so consider yourselves lucky in that regard
And they’re going to experience pain and sadness
Things that, thankfully, you’ve never known
My selfishness wishes you were here
To experience all those ups and downs, too
But again, I know that’s a selfish wish
And so I’ll choose gratitude instead
Sweet babies,
I love you
A million times
I love you
And I want to make sure you know that even though the gratefulness for your brother and sister
Overflows within me
It doesn’t take away my desire to have YOU in my arms, as well
It’s probably silly
You’re probably wiser,
Sitting in the presence of Our Father,
Than I could ever hope to be
But I still need to say it,
If just for myself
That you’re my babies, too, my babies first, even
And I cannot wait to meet you someday
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