The biggest thing that's held me back from writing, singing or creating, things that bring me so much joy and purpose, has been an almost apathy-inducing insecurity that seemed to scream to me every time I made a feeble attempt to go for it: "why YOU, though?" I could spend hours online reading posts and comments and blogs. I love reading people's thoughts, ideas and perspectives. And I'd come across some really wonderful writers; Bloggers with thousands of people reading and engaging with what they had to say; Instagram professionals with thousands of likes and comments and really quality content. They were special people. They MUST be. Why else would anyone listen and engage like they were? They had the thing. The thing I never really felt like I had, whatever that thing even is. And it made me feel quite silly and maybe even arrogant to think of putting myself out there in the same way they do, writing about personal things, or at least giving my personal perspective. Who am I to write about my experiences or thoughts and feelings? Who would it even be for? The thing is, being a Jesus-follower, I know He uses the unqualified, and I'm certainly unqualified. And I know to refrain from using the things He's put inside of me is never good. But with fear, insecurity, uncertainty and all the unpleasantness that comes with doing the things that you really want to do, it becomes quite difficult to even know where to begin.
I think people read and engage with content for tons of reasons. They want to gain insight into a new perspective or idea. They want information to help support an already established idea they have a hunch is a good one. They want to be entertained, challenged, encouraged, and the list goes on. But, for me, the content I'm always most drawn to is writing where I can see myself in the story. Maybe that sounds quite selfish, but it's true. Even if the circumstances of the story have nothing to do with me and my own, if I can identify with a feeling or a thought process, there's something healing to know I have others who are with me. Often, the writers I'm drawn to aren't the beautifully articulate, or the logistical geniuses, or even the extremely well-researched. The writers that have changed my life are the ones that tell their own stories. They simply give their perspectives and relay their experiences in a way that anyone reading could understand.
So, maybe I don't have the thing. I'm certainly not the most articulate writer, and I'd never consider myself anything close to a genius. But, I feel quite confident that I can tell my own stories. I can give my own thoughts. I can communicate my own feelings and opinions. And maybe they won't always be for everyone, and maybe they'll never be for anyone, but that's the beauty of doing something you love.
Even if you only impact one person, and even if that one person is you, it's enough. You're only doing what you've always wanted anyway.
This blog is me, doing the thing I want to do. Sharing myself with anyone who comes across me, and hoping that maybe one or two can find parts of themselves in the things that I'm sharing. And in finding themselves in the things that I write, maybe they'll find that they're not alone, and maybe they'll find healing, too.
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